Just once.
Just one single time.
That would be so nice.
Let’s be honest, once wouldn’t be enough. But one has to start somewhere, right?
“Anyone else coming?
“Someone close by?”
“Everyone is invited.”
“It’s vacation time and every single person counts.”
Every time I read these messages a part of me wants to answer: “I’m on my way.” But I know all to well that I’m not helping anyone with that. If I’m lucky, I will simply get ignored.
All these messages, which are so innocently directed at everyone, are not direct at every person. Not the female person.
In this case women are not implied and not included in the thought process. Only men are addressed, because for the Minyan, the quorum of 10 men, they are essential. No one cares whether I’m there or not. My presence might even confuse people, but that is a topic for a different posting.
I have come to terms with all this. For now. And my thoughts on this concept would go beyond the scope of this blog post. But it does hurt. Especially when it’s not just about the daily prayer, but special days, like Shabbat or holidays.
Half of the people are begged to come, while the other half doesn’t matter at all.
Just once, having all the fuss be done about me. I am aware those aren’t extraordinary and nicely worded invitations. But it’s the thought that counts. To once have the feeling that I too count.
That I’m being waited for.
That the synagogue is as much my space.
That people are happy I’m there.
I don’t even want to talk about the disappointed looks I get, when I enter the synagogue and the men are missing one (or more) for a Minyan. The hope, which goes out in their eyes, as they see it’s just a woman. That hurts too.
I’m not even talking about myself. If an invitation like that would be express to women, as a collective, I’d be very satisfied.
How often am I annoyed, because it seems it’s only men who are talked about, because the language and phrasing it that way? “Women are implied” is something I hear way too often.
In the texts and invitations for the Tfilla, service in the synagogue, they aren’t even implied.
It truly would be nice, if women had room in the daily service at the synagogue. It would encourage women to participate and come to synagogue more often. The synagogues would become spaces where women are welcomed. They have room for their spirituality.
How nice would it be, if not only men would come to synagogue in the mornings and afternoons?
And who knows, which are possibilities this might bring…
Just once be explicitly be invited to be part of the congregation.
Just once get the feeling that everyone is happy about my coming and being there.
Just once not to be reminded that I don’t count.